American Idol, amounts to the same old same old talent show, repackaged and fancied up for your viewing entertainment. Oh yes, and the audience does get to phone in and cast their vote, which probably accounts for much of the popularity of this weekly song fest. American Idol travels the country holding tryouts for tens of thousands idol wannabe's in several major cities through out the U.S. Contestants have been known to wait in line for days in hopes to get their big break. It is never made clear how some of these people are chosen to audition. The producers seem to want a mix of the very awful, the just OK, and the very good. The really awful ones are meant to entertain us in the preliminary rounds so that we can ridicule them along with the judges. Of all these early contestants, only 119 were picked to go to Hollywood to try and become one of the chosen 32. We are led to believe that these 119 are hand picked by the judges Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul, and Randy Jackson. However, it is never made clear to us whether these judges sat and watched every single one of the tryouts, or how much input the producer of the show has into who makes it and who doesn't. Once in Hollywood, the final 119 are given several tasks to perform in order to show their worthiness of becoming one of the 32 finalists. It was at this point that I began to smell a rat. First off, these tasks were not only unfair, but there was little logic in assigning them. For instance, each contestant was given a list of song subjects. From this list they had to choose on item, write a song about it and perform it the next day. Since there is no requirement that you have to be able to write a song to be an Idol, the task didn't make much sense to me. Sensing that most of America was probably as puzzled as I was, the host Ryan Secrest, explained it wasn't important as to whether or not the song was any good, it was to see how each contestant did under pressure. That would have been acceptable but when it came time to perform, the comments of the judges had little or nothing to do with that aspect of it. For instance, one contestant had written some rather clever lyrics and performed them quite well. She was able to do this whereas many contestants couldn't even remember the words to the songs they had written. Yet, Simon criticized her by asking her if she wanted to be a comedienne or a singer. The contestant seemed to be as taken aback as I was. How good the song was or what the song was about was not supposed to be an issued. She had performed well under pressure but it didn't matter. So much for fairness in this round. The next task that each contestant had to get with two other contestants and perform a song together. This didn't make a whole lot of sense either and seemed even more ridiculous than the songwriting contest. If a contestant happened to get paired with two other good singers it made them look good. However, there were several unlucky good singers who were paired with mediocre contestants who refused to even practice. When the 32 are picked we are given no reasons or criteria as to how they were judged. The girl Simon called a clown was history, although she had performed admirably at every phase. In her last appearance when she performed solo, she toned down her vivaciousness and performed an outstanding number. After she was finished, Simon, who had earlier asked her if she wanted to be a comedienne or a singer, now called her boring. Go figure. Two brothers who had also performed with mediocrity throughout the Hollywood auditions also made the final 32. There were other numerous unexplained choices, too many to even begin to pick apart here. Again we are not told if the three judges had the final say so or whether the shows producers or whoever had input into the decision. The contestant the judges have heaped the most praise on has always moved on. The second contestant that has moved on has been kind of like a roll of the dice, there is never any certainty about it. Call me a cynic if you will, but I find it strange that the phone-in votes has always agreed with the judges on their first choice. You would think that at some point just by figuring the odds that this wouldn't happen every week. It can only lead one to two possible conclusions: 1. Either the American viewing public is a race of sheep unable to decide for themselves who they think is best or 2. There's some monkey business going on with the voting on this show. Neither choice is very palatable, especially when you consider some of the decisions made by the judges. There are some other hard fast rules to remember about American Idol. First, never sing a slow song if you can get around it. No matter how good you are or how good you may sing, it is the kiss of death. You will be called either boring, a lounge singer, a café singer, or someone who is unwilling to take chances. Second, despite what I said above, never take chances or be original. These judges frown on it. One singer who took a chance on a jazz number was quickly banished because it wasn't the type of song the judges were looking for. That she sang and performed well didn't matter. Third, when you get to the end of your song, sing very very loud, and hold your last note as long as you can. These are sure fire audience pleaser's and the judges eat it up. Proof of this can be found in each of the contestants that the judges have lavished their highest praises on in the first three weeks of season three. There is plenty more wrong with this show, and I could write a thousand more words about it. All I can say is tune in, have an open mind, and ask some questions about legitimacy. Somebody should. My Grade F

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