"That's enough to get us good reviews in 2019, right?" Well, wrong. You need good acting, good CGI, good story, some relation to the game you're naming your film after... And you ain't got any of this. Nice one, Universal. You've managed to disappoint both gamers and movie watchers. I'll show you just how stupid and uninspired this movie is with some quick trivia - the "Doomguy" - which as we pointed out already is of course a Doomwhaman - her name is Joan Dark. Get it? Mad original and clever, right? It's only the 9000th movie that made a "Joan of Arc" female character because she's so strong and independent and don't need no man, only Tumblr and Twitter. Oh and some random dead guy is called Blaskowitz. Clever, right? What, you said "no?" You're saying that's dumb and makes no sense? How could that be! Well, friendo, there's so much more cringe in there... I know people don't consider the 2005 Doom movie great but I always liked it, and now compared to this, it's the greatest masterpiece ever. And don't tell me "ooh the budget was $12 and a pack of wet wipes, what do you expect?" - countless fantastic movies were made on a shoestring budget over the years. That's no excuse, this just generally sucks.

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